muffin_shark

It is a sad, sad world when people feel the need to assert themselves all the time where they are not needed or wanted.
I have no problem with people making assumptions about me....in fact, I usually like it because it gives me opportunities to break the mold they are putting me in. However, I don't like people lying and saying they are concerned about my behavior and that's why they are being immature and tattling on me. I was more amused than anything when Meg told me, because its just so pathetic. I felt bad that she was upset about it, and for that part I apologized, because it wasn't done to upset her. It was done as a joke.

I'm not going to go further into the who issue because I already discussed with Meg why it was done and defending myself to the idiot who claims or believes that they were doing something for me by telling Meg about the photo is really not why I am here. I'm really totally done with getting upset at this shit.

I had two photo shoots this past weekend. One was for cosplay (when anime geeks unite and dress up, lol), and the other was basically me trying to look pretty. But I think I succeeded.....I hope I did. I think the pictures look nice. The guy who took the pictures is in the Navy, used to do glamour shots, and now just does photography on the weekends (when he isn't doing photography for his naval newspaper). And he had me wear my kimono and pose with my swords and look pretty. Or try. You let me know how you think it turned out.

Both of them were WICKED fun (though I had more fun at the cosplay one, cause it was with friends and we got to act out in character, instead of just me being like "I am a graceful flower...." which is not something I am at all used to doing. I am like "YAAAAAY, SHE-RA, MISTRESS OF THE UNIVERSE!"

............ANYwho, photo time. COSPLAY photos!



Hisoka from Yami no Matsuei, having angst.



Hokuto Sumeragi from Tokyo Babylon, being cute.



L, just being L.



Me as Gai, with Kelly as Sakura and Jess as Itachi giving us (as Kelly put it) the "fuckyuu jutsu"



Me as Gai having a massive nosebleed at the sight of Sakura's butt.



Sakura pwns Gai and Itachi.

Aaaaand me being pretty in a kimono (I hope.....let me know how you think they look.)























Th th th the th th the th that's all, folks!

Off to rehearsal.^^

I took a sick day today. I've been feeling shitty lately and have been sort of back to where I was last year when I had to drop out of school and I could barely get out of bed. When I do managed to make it out of bed, I have to take one or two three/four hour naps a day at least, and I still feel like shit. So when I got twelve hours of sleep last night and didn't feel any better this morning, I decided to take the day off. I wasn't really needed at rehearsal today. We weren't moving on with anything new that I was involved in. I was only necessary for the run-through, and I know all my lines and choreography, so really I think I'm doing well. Whatever.

I stayed home, in bed, took a bath, read a book, and played through a level of KH2. That was the extent of my day. And it felt so nice. Really really nice to not do anything. I ate fruit and took all of my additional meds (I have four new medications to take, along with the three I'm already on....yay!), and I had a healthy breakfast, and I've been keeping good track of all the food I'm eating and naps I'm taking, etc, so I feel like I'm starting to get on the right track.

Brian and I made plans to get food with Jess tonight, since it wouldn't be very taxing for me to go out for food. Afterwards, we decided to drop in on the movies and saw the Forbidden Kingdom, the new Jet Li/Jackie Chan film, and it was fairly fabulous. Made my night. Really, I just felt so free and relaxed, to spend time with friends and do something fun, to not be pressured by anyone.

And then I got home. We're not even going there.

I'm just going to listen to some Panic! At the Disco, and let it chill me out back to the good mood I was in.

A sexual meme. Anonymous comments allowed, negative ones deleted.



1. Would you be in control?

2. Would you pull my hair?

3. Would you whisper in my ear?

4. Would you talk dirty to me?

5. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of tongue?

6. Would you say my name?

7. Would you go down on me?

8. Would you let me give you a hickie?

9. How many rounds would we go?

10. What would you wanna do afterwards?

11. Would you take off all your clothes then take mine off slowly?

12. Would you lick and bite me all over?

13. Would you like to play or get straight to the point?

14. Would you want me to take my time?

15. Would you fall asleep with me when we were done?

16. Would you want us to go fast or slow?

17. Where would you wanna "do it" at?

18. Would you be loud or quiet?

19. Would you mind if i licked you?

20. Would you do it today?

21. Would you do it tomorrow?

22. Are you going to re-post these so I can answer them for you?

So the weekend went pretty well. "Pretty well" includes having a seizure and then being sick for the rest of the weekend (well, I'm still sick), but that's sort of becoming the norm, so I guess that still ranks as pretty well. Sort of pathetic, really, but we had a great time.



J2 wanted tacos, and what J2 wants, J2 gets. I make a mean homemade taco, so I cooked those up and we ate them while watching the Imposters (a fabulously random indie film that everyone should watch RIGHT NOW if they haven't seen it before.....totally not kidding about the urgency of that RIGHT NOW...). Kelly arrived from Into the Woods just as the movie was ending and we began the Bakapaloooza. And did we ever bake! The final tally was something like cupcakecones (cupcakes inside ice cream cones), seed cake, peach cake, honey cakes, chocolate chip cookies, muffins, fruit cake, wassail (which is not baked, but still very very good), and chocolate chip pudding (also not baked, but quite tasty). I may be forgetting something, for we baked for about two hours or so. Much of it is on film, because it got pretty silly.



J2's brother came downstairs, bringing his drunken entourage with him, and proclaimed that my wassail tasted as if Jesus himself had given me an apple to make it with. The rambling progressed into something about Eve and apple pie, I don't even remember. I'm so thankful we got it all on film.



We put on Monty Python's "Now For Something Completely Different" and did a couple of shots, which I really wish I hadn't of done, because maybe they had nothing to do with my seizure but hey, safer is better.

Marisa conked out ten minutes into the movie and none of us got more than five or six hours of sleep. We snacked on our baked goods the next day, which is good, because by Sunday, all but one muffin was gone, devoured by the drunken kids who live in J2's attic. ANGER! Lol, I want revenge! We spent a lot of time baking that stuff!

Drea and John came and stayed with me Saturday night, because I was shaking all over and was feeling tingly and didn't want to be alone after having a seizure. I got them addicted to America's Next Top Model (we watched a marathon).

Rehearsal sucked. Not anyone's fault, it was fun, but I felt like shit and really, in hindsight, having to work on the Doctor Venture dance wasn't the best idea in the world. I got home around 5:30 and passed out until 9, when Brian made me go to bed. I've been sick since then.

Honestly, enough is enough. I have to feel better sooner or later, right? Preferably sooner. This has been going on for almost a year now and I'm really rather tired of it. Plus, I refuse to miss the renaissance faire this weekend. I missed it two years in a row, and I'm not doing it again.

I hope more people come over this weekend and watch Sweeney Todd. Some people had talked of coming and then didn't and it made me really sad. Oh well. Those of us there had fun, and will have fun again, I'm sure.

So now I have gone to being a complete whore.

I can't handle this shit anyore I really cna't. I'm going to lose my mind completely in this environmen.t this musical is driving me crazy and I don't care what anyone says, the board is being really shitty and clique-y and i hate it.

I don't want to drop out but I'm not going to let myself become this.

So I finally decided on my cosplay for AB. I'm going as Donkey Kong.

So I found out a few days ago that my older sister Meg and my friends Ryan and Maddy are taking me to see Legally Blonde this summer. *dies* I am soooo excited! So I thought I would share my excitement with all of you by posting a few gifties.

Scarlet Pimpernel 2003 German Cast:
http://www.mediafire.com/?zgb0znbzdxm

Scarlet Pimpernel Demo Cast:
http://www.mediafire.com/?1mmnznn2k1y

Scarlet Pimpernel Sheet Music Act 1:
http://www.mediafire.com/?ye9mpwzmmyl

Scarlet Pimpernel Sheet Music Act 2:
http://www.mediafire.com/?uvmsyozztb5

In case you can't tell, Scarlet Pimpernel is my favorite musical^^.....unfortunately, there aren't nearly as many recordings of it as of other shows, so if anyone knows of any more, I'd love to get my hands on them!

In addition, anyone with either sheet music/karaoke for the following, please note that I'm willing to trade ridiculously unfairly for them (as I will for Pimpernel):

Once Upon A Mattress (particularly "Happily Ever After")
"Timeless to Me" from Hairspray
Pajama Game (particularly "Not At All In Love")
Wild Party (particularly "Life of the Party" and "Raise the Roof")
South Park- "Quiet Mountain Town"
"I Put A Spell On You" as used in Hocus Pocus

Thanks in advance, and enjoy Scarlet Pimpernel!

So I took this personality disorder test (which I stole from chicafrom3; many thanks!), and the results are pretty funny.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	High
Avoidant Disorder:	Moderate
Dependent Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

It says I'm narcissistic, which really surprised me, because I rarely have a day when I think I look good. There were two questions that asked if you constantly reassure yourself that you're good enough and worth praise, so maybe that's what did it, I don't know.

HERE is the thing I find funny, though. It also says that I'm Avoidant. Let's see what it says there:

"People with this disorder often feel inadequate, are fearful of being rejected, are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence."

Hmm. Something strange there. So apparently I'm self-scentered and self-confidant, but also have low self-confidence......? Not sure how that works out. Let's see how the rest of me measures up.

DEPENDANT:

"Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. Over-sensitivity to disapproval is common. Dependents often feel helpless and depressed."

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE:

"People with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. (EH?!?!?!?!) Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards."

SCHIZOTYPAL:

"The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving. Individuals with this disorder sometimes believe that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow."

BORDERLINE:

"Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing injury to their own body. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. Borderlines think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships."

HISTRIONIC:

"People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise."


Okay, so basically, I think this thing is a little off. Cause I am DEFINITELY not a clean, orderly person who is obsessed with having everything neat and who gets caught up on the details, so screw the Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. I am definitely not a person who thinks that I am hot shit beautiful. I do tend to think I am hot shit (ahaha, here is where you all make fun of me/hit me with hats for being a tool), but my looks are one thing that I still have to tell myself are okay. All throughout elementary and middle school, I was made fun of, so in eighth grade, when my mom asked if I knew I was pretty, I didn't believe her. It didn't make sense to me, because I had never been mean to any of the kids that were making fun of me, so why would they make fun of me unless I was ugly. That's what I thought. It took me long time still to realize that might not be the case, and I still deal with it, so I would never call myself narcissistic.

Histrionic I'll give myself. I am an ass that likes to be the center of attention and I do like people to tell me I'm awesome. I admit it. Sorry, I'm a loser that way.^^()

Schizotypal really shocked me, because it sounded EXACTLY like me. Not in a way that anyone around me would know, but the part about thinking that obscure things have something to do with one's self.....I do that all the time. And then I get really confused when I start to think it through more thoroughly or explain it to someone and realize that it really doesn't all make sense. I don't know, its weird.

Borderline, I think is pretty clear. Cutting myself, depression, we've been through that. Let's not discuss it anymore.


Overall, this was a decent test, but I think the things that I'm most like are ones that I ranked low on, and the ones I'm least like, I ranked high on. Weeeird.

I'ma go clean now.

Choose five series (no peeking before you choose them), list them, and then answer the questions behind the cut.
1. Family Guy
2. Doctor Who
3. Heroes
4. The O.C
5. House


1. Which is your favorite series from your list? And why?
Wow......um, House or Doctor Who. They're so hard to choose between. I have a longer and deeper bond with House and its characters, but Doctor Who is just so COOL.

2. If you were to pair two characters from 1 and 4, who would they be?
HAHAHA. Seth and Brian. I think they'd appreciate each other's witty humor and banter. They'd get along fabulously well. And seriously, if the dog can date human girls, I guess its not weird for him to date a human guy.....? Right? Even if it weirds me out. But really, thats the only choice to make. They'd get along so freaking well.

3. What is one thing you'd like to change about 3's plotline?
Oh my god, get rid of freaking Milo V. I love him as an actor, but having one character who can do EVERYTHING makes the other characters sort of superfluous. It's ANNOYING.

4. If both main characters of 2 and 5 were falling off a cliff, which one would you save?
Awww, I'd have to save House. Because the Doctor does regenerate. But wait.....would he be able to regenerate in time? Cause if not, I'd choose him, because I'm sure House would rather die, since he's miserable and grouchy. Plus, I'm sure he'd go over the cliff and just be like "well this figures" and then bitch all the way down. Yea.....hard choice.

5. Which event was the most horrible for you in 1?
The prom night dumpster baby song. That still grosses me out to the point where I can't watch or listen. Ugh. Some things just cross the line too far.

6. Which is your least favorite character of 2?
Martha. I haven't even seen much of that season, but she's such a BITCH. Just....gah. Someone kill her already.

7. If the antagonist of 3 were to rape the main character of 1, what would you do?
Heroes has a lot of main characters......I'm going to go with.....Sylar? Cause he's the only one who could/would conceivably rape anyone. And if he raped Peter, I don't know. That would be sort of silly. I think I'd stare, dumfounded.

8. What song reminds you of 5?
"You Can't Always Get What You Want" because of that episode in which House used the lyrics and pretended that it was a famous philosopher's words, and Cuddy got him for that. That sentence was awkward. Oh well. House and Wilson are gay. There. That fixes everything.^^

9. Of 1, 3, and 5, which is the easiest to think about?
Um, I'm not sure what that means, but I'm going to go with five, and just picture House and Wilson making out.....? Does that work?

10. Are the protagonists of 2 and 4 similar?
The Doctor and Ryan! Hahahaha. That makes me giggle. Let's see. One of them is a silly time traveler who likes snappy witicisms, the other is a brooding teenager who spends all his time getting into fights and angsting over his difficult love life.
No.


Choose 10 characters (preferably from the same fandom) and answer the questions that follow. No peeking until your list is done!



1. Rose Tyler (Doctor Who)
2. Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter)
3. Freddy (School of Rock)
4. Legolas (Lord of the Rings)
5. Gojyo (Saiyuki)
6. Lestat (Vampire Chronicles)
7. March Hare (Alice in Wonderland)
8. Damon (Vampire Diaries)
9. Kaiba (YuGiOh)
10. Horatio (Hamlet)

1. Characters 4, 9 and 10 are at an arcade. What game do they choose to play, and who wins?
Legolas, Kaiba, and Horatio. What a trio. Well, Legolas would want to do something like skeeball, and Kaiba would probably want something very cutting edge and new.....something crazy virtual reality. Horatio would be HORRIBLY out of place at an arcade and feeling terribly shy without his Hamlet. He'd probably get coaxed into playing something simpler, then move on to DDR and become an addict that would have to be forcibly dragged away at the end of the day.

2. Make up an e-mail address for 6.
hot_vamp@bloodsuckers.org......I don't know, he'd need something conceited like that.

3. If 8 had an iPod or some kind of music player, what kinds of songs would you find in it?
Oh man. A lot of goth rock with a few sad songs to remind him of Katherine when he needs reminding. Mainly angry songs to remind him how much he hates Stefan and wants to kill him.

4. What would you do if 9 suddenly paid you a visit?
Chain him up like in the cyberland episode, steal his cards and hide them well, then MOLEST HIM. A lot.

5. Do you think 6 and 4 are made for each other?
Lestat and Legolas? Well, they'd look pretty together, and their names sounds good together, and even their personalities are pretty matched, so I'd say yes, but Lestat has Louis.

6. 1 challenges 3 to a no-holds-barred duel. Who will win and how?
Rose Tyler vs Freddy Jones. Haha Rose is armed with either her bare hands or whatever the Doctor would care to give her, Freddy has his drumsticks? If we're going for my fandom, where Freddy is 17, he'd be able to win if he actually fought, but he wouldn't fight a girl. If he was 12 like in the movie, I don't know that either of them would win this fight. I think they'd be fighting like prissy little girls and someone (Zack or the Doctor) would be like "Wow, this is pitiful" and then step in and stop it.

7. 7, 2 and 1 order a pizza. What toppings does each one request, and what do the others think of the choices?
Rose, Draco, and the March Hare. Well, naturally the March Hare would want the craziest pizza possible, with everything on it and then some (as in gummi bears, peach rings, whatever he can toss on). I know for a fact that Draco would object, and I'm pretty sure that Rose would be disgusted.

8. What subject would 1 teach if s/he were a teacher/professor? Would s/he be good at it?
I can't picture Rose teaching anything, unless it were just kindergarten. I think after following the Doctor around for a while and dealing with his and Captain Jack's zany behavior, she might be pretty decent at dealing with hyper kids.

9. 5 and 10 go on their first date. Where would they go, and what would they do?
Horatio would never date anyone but Hamlet! But if he went on a date with Gojyo, Gojyo would try to impress him by cooking, which would be spectacularly screwed up when everything got burned, so Horatio would take over and cook instead. Gojyo would be so attracted to this that he would pounce on Horatio before the food was finished and Horatio, scared to death, would flee the premises.

10. 8 sings karaoke and dedicates a song to 7. What song would s/he dedicate and why?
Damon sings to the March Hare? HAHA. Something insanely peppy. Involving crazy spastic dancing. Probably techno. Maybe Aqua?

11. How would 8 court 6?
Damon courting Lestat? SEXY! Hmm.....leather pants, roses, and soul baring. None of this fake shit that he does all the time, trying to hide the fact that he had his heart broken, trying to act like a different person. Show it. Lestat knows something about hiding the real self; he'll love it.

12. Describe the relationship between 2 and 8 in the canon. Would you change it? Why?
Damon and Draco are from two separate books, but if they were in the same book, I imagine they'd do splendidly together at first, since they're very similar people. Then they'd claw each other's eyes out.

13. In your list, who do you think is the perfect match for 3 and why?
Freddy? I'd actually probably say Horatio, because he's quieter and shyer, and would be better suited to help calm down the very spazzy and hyperactive Freddy.

14. 2 has a dream where 10 tells him/her to save 1, who is facing certain doom. What would 2 do?
Draco has a dream where Horatio tells him so save Rose Tyler, who is facing certain doom. What would Draco do?
Well, if this was the book, he wouldn't do shit. However, since this is my fandom, he'd probably put together a ridiculous and elaborate plan, thinking Harry would be very proud of him, then he'd eff it up Harry would have to come rescue him, since he is now kidnapped along with Rose.

15. 9 and 6 are about to get married, until 3 crashes their wedding and abducts 9 against his/her will. 6 follows them, but must forge an uneasy alliance with his/her archrival, 1. They must then hijack some form of transportation from 8 in order to get to 3's lair, where they must fight against 3's evil zombified minions. What will happen next?

Kaiba and Lestat are about to get married. The Freddy crashes their wedding and abducts Lestat against his will. Kaiba follows them, but must forge an uneasy alliance with his archrival, Rose Tyler (muahahahaha). Kaiba and Rose hijack a sweeeeeeet camaro from Damon's lair in order to get to Freddy's lair, where they must fight Freddy's evil zombified minions. Rose drives the car straight into the zombies, running them down, while Kaiba leaps out of the sunroof and does a double somersault kick, hitting Freddy square in the chest and knocking him down. Lestat flies to his arms and they share a gooey smooch. Freddy swears revenge, but our heroes drive into the distance, laughing. Then Kaiba and Lestat kick Rose out, and she swears revenge, too. Maybe she'll join Freddy.^^


16. 8 receives a gift from 9. Does s/he open it or not? If so, what is inside?
Damon receives a gift from Kaiba. Probably. I bet it'd look posh, and Damon would like getting gifts. I bet there'd be some high tech gadget Kaiba was testing out.

17. 4 is walking home when s/he sees a cute fluffy creature, which promptly begins rubbing itself against his/her legs. Will s/he kick it away, or take it home?
Legolas would totally take a fluffy creature home and Aragorn would help him name it.

18. 8 is dared by 4 to strip while pole-dancing in front of 7. Write a short dialogue about this.
Damon is dared by Legolas to strip while pole dancing in front of the March Hare. HAHAHAHA.
Legolas: I bet you wouldn't do it.
Damon: HA. Shows how little you know ME! *jumps up on table and begins shaking his money maker....drops pants to reveal seductive leather underwear*
Legolas: *jaw hits floor*
March Hare: YEA! TAKE IT ALL OFF!

19. What smiley/emoticon would best describe 5?
I don't think there's an icon to emote "slut"

20. If you had the chance to rewrite 1's life, how would you change it?
Um.....hot, steamy sex with the Doctor? Cause I know if I were in the Doctor's life, that's what I'D want, so I feel its only right that if I had total control over her life, I should give her the same thing.

In other words, buck the fuck up.^^

I feel like I never really write anything, and I guess that's because I never really feel like I have anything of importance to say. Also I don't feel like anyone really cares about it. Most of the time I feel so isolated from everyone around me. I try not to reach out to those around me anymore because they never reach back and it fucking hurts. The people I care about don't really care much about me, so I hate caring. They tell me I'm a good friend and all I really want to tell them is how lucky they are that I give a damn about them at all.

Now I see them write and I read about how much their lives suck and I feel really truly blessed. My year has been so horrible....I've been practically confined to my bed because I haven't had the strength to move, I've had an mri and an eeg, had to spend two nights at the hospital and no one still knows for certain what is wrong with me, and it really is scaring the fuck out of me, my boyfriend of more than a year, the boy that I love more than anything is going to move across the country and I have no clue whether to go or stay or what the hell I want to do with my life, or even what I CAN do with my life at this point, depending on my health....and yet I am happier than all of these people. So many times when I speak to them, they're upset about things that don't even matter, or problems that they made themselves, and I just want to tell them how damn lucky they are. Usually, though, I don't see them at all. I guess I can say that this year, I really learned who my true friends are. The ones who stuck with me when I was sick and stuck at home, or who would come to see me even though I couldn't drive somewhere. I know I am truly blessed to have friends like this, people like Rachel and Karen, who I only met this year but who have made such an impact on my life already.

And Brian. I would not have survived this year without Brian. He is my day to day support, always there for me, always taking care of me, and always, ALWAYS making sure I know how very much he loves me. I can't express how great the depth of my feelings are for him. I don't know what I will do when he leaves this summer. The decision I have in front of me is so difficult and despite all the lists of pros and cons I am still no closer to a decision. But whatever happens, I know it can't end badly, because I feel so at home with him and his family. Everyone probably thinks that's stupid, but no one elses opinions matter but his and mine.

This year has been so hard, and it continues to be. I can't drive for another half a month at least, and then maybe another three. I'm going to Yale Hospital in another five days for a consultation. I'm going to have to make an appointment to stay there for a day or two where the doctors will put me in a room and attempt to induce a seizure. After that, it may be another three months of no driving, another three months of hell at home with nothing to do. But after writing this, I've realized that what has seemed like hell really hasn't been that bad. It's helped me to get a new perspective on this whole happiness thing. Maybe this perspective will help me to see the future in a whole new light. Maybe not. Maybe I'll be in hell the entire time. But just possibly this time, I'll know better when the people I think are my friends ignore me, and I'll be the better and stronger person and be able to push past the hurt. I hope so. I really do hope so.

To those that have been there, thank you.

In 2007 Did You:

[01] Go to a party? Yea, a lot. I also hosted a lot. That's one of my favorite things to do. I miss being at Cedar Creek and going to the 3C's parties every Thursday.
[02] Try something new? Eh, probably. I stayed in the hospital and had a 24 EEG....does that count?
[03] Have something change your life? Brian does every day.
[04] Kiss someone? Brian every day, and countless others at various parties. Drea, Rain, unfortunately Troy ONCE and then NEVER AGAIN. God. Creepy. Ugh, moving on...
[05] Tell your family and friends you love them? All the time. I'm on a level with my mom especially that I've never been on before.
[06] Buy something extravagant? Not any one thing, but I splurged and bought two pairs of shoes the other night, cause one was on sale for $9, so I could afford to buy the other $22 pair.^^ Hehe, I'm AWESOME. Rolling in the Benjamins.
[07] Do something nice for you? Um.....learned to walk away from fights that won't do me any good. This still hurts me, cause inevitably I get yelled at for hanging up the phone or walking away, but it helps me at the time.
[08] Do something terribly wrong? Kissed Rain.
[09] Move? In August.
[10] Go to a concert? Eh, I don't think so.....I went to a couple mini concerts a while ago, but it may have been last year. Its hard to remember now.

Best of the Year:
[01] Party: I'm a fan of my Disney Party, but I think last New Year's Tarts and Vicars party totally blew anything else out of the water. We had an effing blast!
[02] Show: House, Heroes. Hiro Nakamura rules my world. YATTA!
[03] CD: Hmm....probably "A Fever You Can't Sweat Out" by Panic! at the Disco
[04] Movie: SuperBad! I also have a fondness for Stardust and POC: At World's End
[05] Song:
"Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off"--Panic at the Dicsco
"U + Ur Hand"--Pink
"Hey There Delilah"--Plain White Tees
"Bubbly"--Colby Caillet
[06] Experience:
[07] Concert: didn't go to any.
[08] Book: I've mainly been re-reading books. Acutally, maybe my new one, the Musical Theatre Writer's Handbook (though I haven't finished it yet).
[09] Month: June and July, because in June we were coming down to the line with rehearsing and it was kind of cool, and July the show was just so amazing.
[10] Day: any 28th day of any month.
[11] Accomplishment: writing and putting on CTcon the musical while I was sick, and now, finally beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Not feeling so utterly like dying anymore!


Worst of the Year:
[01] Party: the one at Ryan and Troy's.
[02] Show: this is fairly vague. CTCon the Musical.
[03] CD: Kanye West. I don't care what ANYONE says, he's a horrible artist. And a dick.
[04] Movie: "Epic Movie" I am SO glad I saw that for free, or I'd cry.
[05] Song: "Stronger"--Kanye West
[06] Experience: being so sick I could barely ever get out of bed and rarely having friends call me. Being sick and feeling utterly alone but for Brian. <3Brian^^
[07] Concert: didn't go. I'm going to take a gander and go with Kanye West.
[08] Book: I didn't read anything bad.
[09] Month: Take your pick.
[10] Day: Probably some time in September/October. I was pretty ill then.


Hopes for 2008:
[01] Predict something that you think will happen in 2008? Hopefully what I'm feeling now will continue and I'll get completely back on my feet, healthwise.
[02] What do you hope changes about your country? A good president who will figure out this war system and will also bring about good changes in other areas.
[03] What do you hope for yourself? That I make a good decision as far as Washington goes.
[04] What do you hope for your family? That my grandmother gets healthy and the rest of my family stays healthy and happy.
[05] What do you hope for your best friend? I don't have one best friend, I have a couple. And I never want anything but the best for them. I hope Rachel does well in France and then figures out her next steps, that Kaitlin and Dan have a wonderful wedding and first year together, and that Duana's parents stop being such dicks. I hope that Marisa continues doing well at school and figures out where she wants to transfer. And I've already written to much, so as I said above, for the rest of them, only the best.^^
[06] What do you hope for the rest of your friends? Blah, stop asking this! I want my friends to all be happy and make good choises! Good health! All that jazz and crazyness!
[07] Do you think any amazing medical advances will be made? Probably not, but it would be banging.^^
[08] What is your hope for 2008? To find my way and continue just as I am now. Cause right now I'm happy, on good terms with my mom and dad (better than ever, really). Could be closer than my sister than I am now (would like to be) and would like to see more of my friends than I do, but as far as my happiness and health goes, I'm doing okay. So I can work on the rest. Hopefully it will continue. I'd really like the strength to make the choices I know I'll have to make well.

So, how was Christmas? A summary for you:

Paul ate a lot of pizza, Troy was a douche, and I got a tablet. Which of those things do you think was the least surprising?

I think its a toss up between the pizza and the douche. And thats a gross combination. Ugh.

Anyway, its already been written about by both Ryan and Meg, so I do not wish to harp on it, especially since its not my issue to harp on. Needless to say, he's an ass and always has been and if he gets 10 years in prison, it'll be freaking GREAT.^^


But yes, I got a tablet for Christmas, so at long last I can just sit at my computer and doodle away. Hopefully my drawings will improve. I've wanted one for so very long. Maybe I can actually figure out how to use that silly paint/photoshop/whatever it was program that Courtney burned for me. That would be sweeeeeet.

I got a bunch of neat books, too, one about writing musical theatre, one on theatre of the absurd, which is great, since the absurdist movement is of great interest to me. It features such playwrights as Samuel Beckett and Eugene Ionesco. I also got The Great Mouse Detective and Meet the Robisons. Score to me!


As for the musical, unfortunately, the forums are down again, so I can't go there to get ideas that people have been posting. However, I don't even know if people have been posting ideas there, cause I don't know how long the forums have been down. Suckage.
Still, I've been working on next year's musical....to what extent I can. I don't want to start formulating too much on my own, for I want to rest of the cast to be able to have that beginning input as to what characters are involved, and at least some input as to what songs they want in there....it doesn't mean those songs will definitely be in there, for I've noticed that a lot of the time, people without a strong theatre background make abysmal choices in this. Sometimes, even people WITH that theatre background make bad choices. They don't understand that the song needs to do two things: first it has to make sense as far as the character is concerned, and secondly it must tell a story. I usually get suggestions that only do one of the two.

So here's what I've been outlining so far (though it isn't much).

Animes/Games/Etc:

*Death Note
*Fruits Basket
FFVIII
Advent Children
Silent Hill
Revolutionary Girl Utena
Gundum (one of the many incarnations)
*Bleach
Slayers
*YuGiOh
Castlevania
*One Piece
Hellsing

*asteriks mark an idea that I feel should definitly make it into the show


Songs:

'What You Want'--Legally Blonde (sung by Rinoa+ensemble)

'Whipped Into Shape'--Legally Blonde (sung by Pyramid Head+ensemble)

'It Sucks to Be Me'--Avenue Q (sung by ensemble for opening number)

'What is this Feeling?'--Wicked

'Popular'--Wicked

'Company Way'--How 2 Succeed (sung by Yazoo)

'I Can Hear the Bells'--Hairspray (possibly sung by Rinoa)

'Without Love'--Hairspray

'You Can't Stop the Beat'--Hairspray

'Fabulous'--High School Musical 2

'You Are the Music in Me'--High School Musical 2 (could also use the reprise of this song for a good finale)

'The Creation of Man'--Scarlet Pimpernel

'Act 1 Finale'--Urinetown (ensemble)

'Snuff That Girl'--Urinetown (two soloists+ensemble)

'I'm the Bravest Individual'--Sweet Charity

'Does Your Mother Know'--Mamma Mia

'Lay All Your Love On Me'--Mamma Mia

'Take A Chance On Me'--Mamma Mia

'There Is Life Outside Your Apartment'--Avenue Q

'I Wish I Could Go Back To College'--Avenue Q

'Perfect Young Ladies'--The Boyfriend

'The Boyfriend'--The Boyfriend

'Safety in Numbers'--The Boyfriend

'I've Got What You Want'--The Apple Tree

'Feelings'--The Apple Tree

'Easy Street'--Annie

'Show You a Thing or Two'--Bat Boy

'Naughty Baby'--Crazy for You (Mai Valentine+Joey Wheeler)

'Bad Boys'--Blackbeard

'That's How You Know'--Enchanted (Rinoa, maybe)



And there's one song from the "But I'm a Cheerleader" demo soundtrack that I really like, but I don't have the soundtrack with me and I cannot at present recall the name of the song. So that will have to wait.


Anyway, that's a lot for now, and I want to go do something else, soo.....peace.

I STOLE THIS FROM CARMINELOL (see? if you're reading this, you see what I did? I took your words. I took YOUR WORDS and I made them my own.)

1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR-
Ahahaha, Brian. He wins hands down for his lovely "MEG, I LET YOU DOWN! I DON'T WANNA EAT THE BREAD! IT'S BAD!" episode.

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend) -
Anne, then Mel, then Kaitlin

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND?
ZIGGY! Ziggy, hands down. She can shoot lightening out of her hands! Cause she's Croatian.

3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
meeting Brian's family last Thanksgiving. I just loved them all so implicitly right off the bat, and they were all so completely open to me. I've never really had that with even a friend's family....well, sort of with Kaitlin's. But it was just amazing, and I felt so loved and such hope for this relationship that had just sort of begun.

4) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
God....there are so many to choose from. Kissing Rain? No offense to Rain, I have kissed her many times in the past, but I was drunk and shouldn't have done it, because it was, in essence, cheating on Brian, and it made him feel horrible.

5) BEST HOLIDAY?
Last New Years. The Tarts and Vicars Party! Mike wearing the tiger suit, Brian as a French Maid, MikeMac as GOD knows what, and Duana and I as priests! Erica just sat and laughed at everyone. That was really the best part....that we saw Erica, cause that girl is a fucking GHOST, man.
Plus we respirated the legume.^^

6) Best song of 2007
I don't know that there's a best song. These days, music that gets produced isn't really what I'd call "quality." But I'd have to go either with Colby Caillet "Bubbly" because, even though the first time I heard it, I found it a bit repetitive, it's really sweet and has good lyrics........or "You and Your Hand" by Pink, because it's one of those songs that just has a great sense of purpose. Meaning even if you have nothing shitty going on in your life, you can feel justified in having an attitude if you listen to this song. One time sticks out in my mind....driving to a bar with my sister and two friends right after one of them had finally gotten through all this shit with his boyfriend and we just screamed this song. It's a perfect scenario song.

7) MOVIE FOR 2007?
Wow...I saw a lot of movies this year, working at the theatre. Hm....oh, oh man, I HAVE to go with "Hot Fuzz." That movie rules all. I spent every 15 minute break I had in that theatre watching that movie.
PS- "Meet the Robinsons" is really good, too, and Wilbur and Lewis are totally gay. Gay gay gay, they're gay. Seriously. In the original story, they weren't related. This goes to prove my theory. They're gay.

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
The boy. I can't for the life of me remember what we did, though.

11) BEST RELATIONSHIP?
That's a stupid questions. Naturally, whatever relationship you're in is going to be better than any relationship you've had....well, for the most part. But yes, I do favor my current relationship with Brian. Not that that should say anything against my past relationship (yes, singular, I've had only one other) with Meg. But there's something better when you're able to talk in person and not over a computer. When you can see each other more than once every two years.^^()

12) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
The March Hare from Alice in Wonderland

13) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
The Chinese place near us. There's a CRAAAZY Chinaman that delivers to us, and he'll sing, or pretend to be a chicken, and he loves the two of us.

14) KISS OF THE YEAR?
When Brian and I went to the movies with his mom and Carl and were heading out to get popcorn and I pushed him against the wall in the hallway and we made out for ten minutes. That was hot.^^

15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
To take in Becket. He's stupid, but a sweetie. And now Frank has another kitty to play with.

16) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
Running barefoot down a main road in New Britain at 3 in the morning cause I got kicked out of Ryan's house. I stepped on broken glass, and it didn't feel good at all. :(

17) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
House, Heroes.

18) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
Kaitlin. Always there, no matter what.

19) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Becket, that Troy is FINALLY gone.

20) BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG AWARD?
Troy

21) NEW YEAR RESOLUTION?
to do more writing and to make sure I spend more time with people who are important to me. Like Erica, the freaking ghost lady.

Had auditions last night for the Tempest and for Company, and also for a handful of student produced/directed shows. I feel like I had one of my best auditions in a long time. However, I did not get called back. I don't care about not getting called back, because I know at my school it means diddly squat. I've gotten call backs before and been off the wall with excitement only to not get into the play at all, let a lone get a supporting role. Then I've freaked out because I haven't gotten a call back and I've gotten a good sized part. So basically, I don't worry anymore, because I know that its not important.

However, it becomes hard NOT to worry when the people you talk to about it are really apologetic and sound sort of like "you'll do better next time."

I know they don't mean anything by it. But once that starts, I start to worry. And I hate worrying. Even if I DIDN'T get cast, I'd rather feel shitty about that when the time comes. Right now, I'd like to just....stay calm. And chill out. And NOT WORRY.

But even though I know it's irrational, once it starts, I just can't help but start to wonder if maybe there was something wrong with me, or my audition, and THAT is why I didn't get a callback. And it's STUPID. It's STUPID to do that.

Plus I can't drive because of this stupid epilepsy (plus now they think I have narcolepsy, which personally, I find HILARIOUS), so I'm just stuck here at home, fidgeting and tweaking out and it's so....arrgh.

At least it's only two hours until Brian is home. I felt so good about all of this and now....now I just feel terrible.

Here are a few gifts. I wanted to give a bunch of gifts from (not my favorite musical, which is Scarlet Pimpernel, for unfortunately I do not have a lot of different versions of that), but from my favorite artist: Terrence Mann. Unfortunately, I only had two recordings scanned that featured him, so I'm also uploading one featuring my OTHER favorite artist: Raul Esparza. Happy December Holiday, whether it be Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or some random Pastafranarianism holiday. I may have spelled that wrong. Probably did. Oh well, sorry, Karen. Enjoy, kiddos.^^

Terrence Mann:

Mrs Santa Clause sountrack: http://www.mediafire.com/?c94i3mlmzjw

Romeo & Juliet demo: http://www.mediafire.com/?dnnt4mfxcx0

Raul Esparza:

Tick, Tick BOOM: http://www.mediafire.com/?4yfmcxmpz4x


PS: If anyone has any additional Terrence Mann/Raul Esparza stuff, my list is posted on my live journal user info page....feel free to look and let me know if you have anything that I don't. I am willing to trade EXTREMELY UNFAIRLY for it. I heart both of them so very, very much. Particularly Terry. He's such a sweetheart.

Anyway, enjoy the gifties!

-Chris

So I found this floating around while searching for more musical downloads, thought it was neat and an interesting way to break up my boring, currently car-less life, and thus thought I'd participate:
1. Open your mp3 library (ex. ITunes, IPod or any other MP3 collection with shuffle)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press Play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the Next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.
7. Don't skip songs.

Question: Song--Artist
1. Opening Credits: "The Pit and the Pendulum: Part 2"-- Poe: the Musical
2. Waking Up: "Ireland"--Legally Blonde: the Musical
3. First Day of School: "Epiphany"--Bare: the Pop Opera
4. Fight Song: "Juliet's Prayer"--Romeo&Juliet demo disc
5. Breaking Up: "That's How You Know"--Enchanted soundtrack (That one was reeeaaally funny)
6. Happiness: "I Am a Terrifying and Imposing Figure"--Assassins
7. Life's Okay: "I Wanna Be A Hippy"--Technohead Vs. E-Ject
8. Mental Breakdown: "No Place Like London"--Sweeney Todd OBC
9. Driving: "Shake Your Groove Thing"--Adventures of Priscilla....the Musical
10. Flashback: "Silent Night"--Linda Eder
11. Getting Back Together: "Is Anybody There?"--1776 OBC
12. Wedding Song: "Fear No More"--The Frogs OBC
13. Birth of First Child: "Love Heals"--Sherie Renee Scott
14. Final Battle Scene: "At the Wall"--Dane Cook (AHAHAHA!)
15. Death Scene: "What's Love Got to Do With It?"--Adventures of Priscilla....the Musical
16. Funeral Song: "Here Comes Santa Clause/Santa Clause is Coming to Town"--Linda Eder
17. End Credits: "Cornelius Fudge is an Ass"--Harry and the Potters


Sooooo...yea. Most of these didn't fit, but I think Dane Cook at Wallgreens with the guy shouting "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" being my final battle scene was sort of...made of win.XD

And thus the day commenced with much suckage....

Yes. That is how it went.

My boyfriend decided to walk a looong way home last night in ridiculous cold weather because I had told him my sister had a bad day. He, for some reason, took this to mean "Do not call her for a ride" even though I had meant it to mean "try finding a different ride first." So when I tried calling my sister to see if she could drive him home, she started yelling at me, saying I was using "a pathetic little voice" to try and "guilt" her into driving Brian home. Huh?

Very mean.

And I'm sure she'll be reading this, but whatever. It hurt my feelings, and I started crying and told her that she was a horrible person and hung up the phone on her, and turned it off so she couldn't call back. I bundled up warm and wrapped a quilt inside my coat and walked to meet Brian, then wrapped him in the quilt so he'd warm up. I had a bit of a cough last night, but it's gone today, so that's good. I think it was just the cold air. I have huge motherfucking tonsils, and the cold air was burning them like crazy.

Brian and I watched Big Trouble in Little China, which he always harasses me to rent, and it was damn bizarre. Kim Catrell plays a Chinese girl. Wtf, mate?

I watched Tila Tequila and Dani is one of the remaining two. Gooooo, Dani! I love that girl. She better win.

Today just sucks. Apparently Meg called mom about last night, cause my dad sent us both an email about how we shouldn't complain to mom. I didn't call mom. That sort of narrows down the field. So that made me cry again, cause now I feel like I've disappointed my daddy.

I don't know why my doctor changed my dosage when he changed me from zoloft to cymbalta. I mean, I like the change in meds, but from 100 to 60? I don't know if there's a significance or something, but I do know that I've been significantly more depressed.

In other news, I'm just plain sick of the kids in the theatre department thinking that they're the shit. With talent comes pompousness, I get that. Well....most of the time. Jess is talented, and she's not a pompous tool. MJ isn't a pompous tool. I could give a list, but I don't feel like getting into it. ANYway, I'm just sick of those who are pompous assholes, especially when they aren't that talented....like a particular twerpy female I have in mind. Spends most of her time putting on airs and whining her way out of things.
And then that stupd jerk who likes to just fuck anything and everything and thinks he's God's gift to the world.

I could go on forever, but I really want to cut myself off before I get excessively negative. I want to think about the postive. But it's hard today. These people are taking over the theatre building. It wouldn't be such a big deal...I mean, they have as much right to it as anybody...but seriously, they have it non-stop. I can't get into a room at all! I just want to use a small space for even half an hour. Half an hour of rehearsal. Is that so much to ask?

Apparently so.

Sheesh. It's driving me crazy. I swear, I'm going to lose my mind. With three auditions coming up this weekend, I'd like a little bit of rehearsal. And these guys are all in clases, so they're at school all the time. I'm never there, so it's harder for me to get any time in the building. One would think they'd be willing to share. But I guess not.


Anyway, upcoming projects:

-finish CTcon musical III script by inserting Rachel's section
-begin CTcon musical IV script
-practice for auditions
-write outline for R&G for theatre professors by Friday

I think that's it for now. I know there was something else, but I'm forgetting it.

Anyway, that's it right now. Sklaters.

Hey what you got you don't know
Anything that I'm gonna say right now
Cuz I'm not so sure why I'm here and why I wanna
Keep on hanging 'round right now
Not that I do it now or any day
Sometimes I just get burned out
About lots of things and, well, just doubt

So tell me something good...you got it.
And why am I so misunderstood? Cuz I wanna know this
Cuz I'm confused and I bruise, yes I do so tell me how about you?

Come on baby and race me and maybe we'll just find ourselves...

Just got back from seeing Wicked at the Bushnell. Jess took me. She got tickets as a gift and invited me to go, which was really cool of her. We had a lot of fun, commenting on the dragon and the costumes and other tech stuff that she gets a lot more than I do.

Quotes of the Evening:

Ryan: *places salt in middle of the table*
Me: What the hell are you doing?
Ryan: I'm preparing myself for when the slugs come. The salt will be my only defense!


*in the car, randomly*
Jess: Goat fucker!

Ahh, twas a good night. And now, a quiz that I just gave to my boyfriend Brian to test his masculinity (insert laugh her, all those who know Brian^^). His results, as follows:

Your Boy Side
[ ] You love hoodies
[ ] You love jeans.
[ ] Dogs are better than cats.
[x] It's hilarious when people get hurt
[x] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture
[x] Sad movies suck.
[x] You own an X-Box.
[x] Played with Hot Wheels cars as a kid.
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You own a DS, PS2 or Sega
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[ ] You watch sports on TV.
[ ] Gory movies are cool.
[ ] You go to your dad for advice.
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You like going to football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[ ] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[ ] Sports are fun.
[ ] Talk with food in your mouth.
[x] Wear boxers.
Total = 10

Your Girl Side
[ ] You wear lip gloss.
[x] You love to shop.
[ ] You wear eyeliner.
[ ] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[ ] You wear the color pink.
[X] Go to your mom for advice.
[x] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like hanging out at the mall.
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[ ] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[ ] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[ ] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[x] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories.
[ ] You smile a lot more than you should.
[ ] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[x] You care about what you look like.
[x] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[ ] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[X] You wear girls underwear.
[ ] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[ ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[ ] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.
Total = 8


My boyfriend's results. He thinks that they're wrong and he's more of a girl than a boy. Sometimes I agree.^^

Still, he hasn't collected enough ovary points to earn his vagina yet. Soon....soon. XD

So I had a seizure on Thanksgiving. Biiiiig deal. I've been having them on and off for a few months now, since I got sick. Cept I happened to be driving. And Meg grabbed the wheel, which, I know, sounds bad, cept I was the one who steered the car to the side of the road. But now my mom thinks I'm in severe danger of dying and doesn't want me to drive again. Ever. EVER.

Luckily my dad objects, but now it's the war of the parents, and my mom being a cunt. I probably shouldn't call my mom that. I love my mom, I really do. I'm just angry. Grah. ANGRY. >.< Angry face.

In happier news, I got the entire copy of Legally Blonde: the musical on video. So now I can watch it and be happy. Which is good, since the rest of my life currently sucks.

I'm trapped in my apartment, no one comes to see me, my mom wants to take away my car, and other stuff that's too personal to mention. Fuck the world.

I'll just look at Elrond. He makes me happy.

And plan New Years. That makes me happy, too.^^

Sklaters.